I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
