yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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