Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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