I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
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I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
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No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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