Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
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I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus