Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We're too hungover to prance.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."