She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.