Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
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i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
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Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain