i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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