Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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