You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
