if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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