oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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