did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
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he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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