Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
