the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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