my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
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I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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