I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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