Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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