oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
