when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
