i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize