hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
