So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
