I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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