A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I would ride that face into the sunset
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD