I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
All I want is dick and wine.