; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You pole danced in your parka.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.