I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick