I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
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Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
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All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.