next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.