He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.