Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested