Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
