so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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