She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
