Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
