absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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