they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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