I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit