and you said cock pushups were impossible
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.