pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
