Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
