My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
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