Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
