She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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