I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
