Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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