you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
