Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
