cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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