I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize