We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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