I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
