The maid of honor just puked.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you never un-have a 4some
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
