Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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