direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
