When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night