Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
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I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
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but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house