Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.