Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You pole danced in your parka.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink