I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?