u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
