i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Rumble strips road head = magical
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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