dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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