Nicole vs. Life
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
